Well that sucked. A recon unit of emo and nu metal kids tied up John and Marilyn. Them
being held captive would get Creidhne a little closer to destroying the band and being in control
of Norway. Well, he wouldn’t really have any power over Norway since no one in Norway
really cares about Clad in Darkness. But he really hates that band and wants to see them
destroyed.
“Can’t we just eat them? We’ve ‘ad nothin’ but maggoty bread for three stinkin’ days now!”
“No! Rooster Man needs them alive!”
“Well what about their legs? They don’t need them!”
An emo kid grabbed his blade but a nu metal kid stopped him and sniffed the air. “Man flesh”
he grunted. The group saw some soldiers charging them in full black metal regalia. The emo
and nu metal kids ran into the melee and a mess of blood and body parts flew through the air.
This was a perfect opportunity for John and Marilyn to escape from their captors and fled to
the conveniently located forest that their captors had been traveling along.
After running not more than a few steps in the forest John was swept off his feet by a root
that shot out in front of him. After he was on the ground one of the trees bent over and
slashed and stabbed at him with its branches. It was fortunate for John that the only person
who witnessed this shame happened to be undead and generally oblivious to everything around
him (not to mention his nonexistent short term memory). John suffered three massive injuries
from the tree attack as he and Marilyn attempted to return to Oak Park through the ancient
forest. Being attacked by the trees of Blackwell Forest is not true at all. And to make matters
worse he and Marilyn were being held prisoner as the trees had a conference to decide on the
fate of the two travelers. This was taking near 12 hours, and as you may have gathered from
the previous chapters John is rather impatient. But after much deliberation the trees decided
that John and Marilyn were not emo or nu metal kids. The trees would have carried the
travelers out of Blackwell Forest close to the kingdom of Oak Park, but the trees were
disgusted when they saw that in John’s impatience he “burst into tears.” A lot. Even “cried”
some on Marilyn. The trees did not want to send the message John could “cry on their
shoulder,” so they sent the two off to find their way out themselves.
As the two traveled they eventually saw a bright light. Creidhne. They immediately unloaded
every projectile weapon they had on the foul deity, but it was futile. The figure stepped out of
the light and the travelers expected certain doom. Surpringly, it was Hodur. But Hodur did
not have good news. He told them that Creidhne had an army of emo and nu metal kids ten
thousand strong marching to Oak Park to destroy Clad in Darkness. He could take them to
the troll’s cave to get him and then meet up with Coy and Andrew where their best hope is go
to Fort Big Sexy (formerly known as the practice space). He would have to leave them
temporarily. But if they could hold the fort until first light, he would return and vanquish their
foe. He told John it is not all men who have the fortune to have found friends in trolls and
dwarves, although one generally would be disgusted if they looked at what could be found in
trolls. Those things will eat just about anything.
Only the troll could be stuck in this mess. Well, him and Coy actually. But this didn’t happen
to Coy. Only to the troll. John and Marilyn had to use their axes to get the troll free from his
ravenous bed. The troll was incredibly disoriented since it was only early afternoon and he
was being violently forced out of bed. Marilyn and John explained the situation so they
hopped into the troll’s longboat to get Coy and the Skullsplitter to the safety of Fort Big Sexy.
The troll made a stop on the way to pick up the Cupcake Lady and Bacon Goddess. Trolls
exist on a diet primarily based on cupcakes and bacon. If the troll was going to be in a battle
all night, he’d better be fed. John and Marilyn were also happy to see the Bacon Goddess.
John because he’s a pathetic sorry sap of a man, and Marilyn because he wanted some
bacon… and cupcakes, so Tyrone was also very pleased with seeing the Cupcake Lady.
Anyone could make good bacon, but the Cupcake Lady’s cupcakes were something special.
With the food sources now secured as passengers on the boat, they ventured off to unite the
rest of the band and take refuge at Fort Big Sexy. If they were smart, they would have just
went somewhere else, since their enemies were already marching to the fort, but the band is
dumb. You should know this by now. If there is anything you’ve retained from this now
epic nonsense it should be that this band is dumb.