For the 2% of you who didn’t close the site after reading about John’s sexcapades, it is now
time for the band members to drag Andrew kicking and screaming away from Varg and play a
show. The band was scheduled to return to Los Cazos after boycotting it but since Koi
already returned to the earth it seemed pointless to avoid the place of his destruction. But a
strange twist of fate met them that night. On the way to Los Cazos they came across a
church (person who is not the author: worst pun ever). A church having a concert. A
concert with emo bands. Clad in Darkness could not pass up this show. They don’t know
why. No one is paying them. They hate emo. Emo doesn’t like them much either. They
aren’t a big fan of churches. And none of the members really want to play this show. But it
had to be done. The band noticed that they had a very large audience at this church, even
though exactly zero people liked metal. The band played the show anyway, trying to make
their songs easier to relate to for the emo kids, like explaining that Solitude is really about the
misery Coy felt when he was grounded for not cleaning his room, but it didn’t work. The
metal fans and supportive deities were not in the church that night. But there was visit from
some old friends. Eve Did Sam Nice shattered the stained glass as they came swinging in on
ropes like pirates. The Rooster Man began preaching about how this holy house has been
defiled by the vileness of Clad in Darkness. Clad almost argued that despite the fact they are
metal they are not evil, but Marilyn Filth’s presence kind of shot down that whole argument.
Creidhe appeared behind the shattered stained glass laughing. It was he who had brought Eve
Did Sam Nice here. The betrayal. After Clad in Darkness failed to destroy Eve, Creidhne
switched his choice of which band will be his puppet. The band waited for Hodur to come to
their rescue, but no help came. Creidhne explained that Hodur cannot enter churches of other
faiths, and Eve Did Sam Nice closed in on Clad in Darkness to dispose of them. Oh, where
oh where was Trogdor when the band needed his burnination. This looked like it would be
the final chapter in the history of Clad in Darkness, but suddenly Creidhne screamed in agony,
as he just had a pan full of bacon grease splashed in his face. The Bacon Goddess yelled at
Clad, telling them to run away while they can and she will stay here fighting off their would be
assailants. Eve Did Sam Nice stopped in their advance to witness what had happened to their
leader, and this allowed Clad in Darkness to escape. Clad in Darkness fled like the cowards
they were, back to the realm of John to hide until they ventured to Los Cazos the following
night. Unfortunately at John’s, Coy had too many oyster crackers with his rum, and vomited
up his gold star all over the big sexy carpet.