The band decided to finally head back into the studio to make a demo with the songs and
drummer they’ve been playing with for the past year. This was a long grueling process
but before we go into that please listen to a word from our sponsor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MONSTER ENERGY: UNLEASH THE BEAST
Tear into a can of the meanest energy supplement on the planet, MONSTER energy. We
went down to the lab and cooked up a double shot of our killer energy brew. It's a
wicked mega hit that delivers twice the buzz of a regular energy drink. The MONSTER
packs a vicious punch but has a smooth kick ass flavor you can really pound down. So
when it's time to unleash the beast within, grab a MONSTER and GO BIG!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thus, the band had entered the studio yet again to record a demo. Hopefully, this demo
would do justice to their music. With this band’s laziness, process on the recording was
happening very slowly. Unlike past trips to the studio, there were no attacks of evil twins
or things like different foam to toss around (or maybe there was, and since this
anonymous writer has been slacking so much and writing about the events 4 months after
they happened his memory isn’t the clearest). The demo was recorded, but nothing
would be done with it until say, 9 years pass or so. But the band had bigger worries.
They had a quest to go retrieve the Desecrated Ashes from some Urn. But instead of
that, they decided to play a show. The band traversed in the Tyronian extra longboat to
familiar territory. The band was in rare form, as Coy actually MOVED ON
STAGE!!!!! That’s right, COY MOVED!!!!! Coy was quite drunk, but if that’s what it
takes good for him. Coy moved and the band got a good reception from the crowd.
Elsewhere in the galaxy, someone was sensing a great disturbance in the force. The band
continued in their drunken debauchery as other bands played. The band was kicking it
hair metal style, drinking and getting yelled at by the owners of the establishment. Such
crude behavior would have made them go platinum if they were in LA and it was 20
years earlier. The headlining band invited Tyrone and the troll onstage to give back up
vocals in a song. The back up vocals would cause that ancient dragon to awaken again
(oh lord not again… why must this always be brought up?). As the first “Trog” was
screamed, the disturbance in the force ripped through the galaxy causing anguish to all
that were true.
Creidhne immediately fled his Fortress of Blibber Blubber, I mean Solitude, to go put an
end to the blasphemy. He broke the exterior wall and witnessed the horror of the bands
having fun and being on stage with other bands. Creidhne’s wrath was unrelenting and
no one was spared. The first thing he did was throw the troll into Brian, his mammoth
trollish weight immobilizing him as he lay stuck under a slain troll. Tyrone leapt at
Creidhne biting at his flesh. Creidhne screamed in anguish before slamming his arm into a
brick wall. This stunned Tyrone and made him lose his toothy grip on Creidhne. The
crazed God of Metal pulled a knife from his boot and plunged it into the vocalist’s chest,
killing him instantly. Coy and John commanded their girlfriends run, only to realize their
women had already abandoned them. The guitarists readied their axes (groan) and
prepared to do battle with Creidhne. Creidhne had summoned his metalcore minions to
battle them, which Coy and John slaughtered with great ease. Creidhne pulled a
broadsword in each hand, and began battle with the axe men.
John and Coy fought valiantly, but Creidhne was too much for them, and was skillfully
fighting them both off, using one arm per person. This matter of fighting quickly bored the
god of metal, who suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke. After Creidhne vanished the
place went up in flames.
John turned to Coy and asked, “Why are you just standing there?”
Coy looked at him, his hate-filled eyes now matching the color of his hair. “I am the god
of metal” he spat, as he raised his axe and walked towards John. “I was always better
than you” said Coy, “and it’s time you realized this.”
Coy swung his axe at John. John blocked it, and their axes locked into each other.
“Coy!” cried John “What has happened to you!”
“I think it’s obvious. You just aren’t tr00 enough to realize it.”
“Coy, you’ve been possessed by the dark side, I mean, Creidhne.”
“I have no more time for the likes of you.”
Coy broke the weapon lock, and began swinging at John. The two fought for awhile,
successfully preventing each other from landing a successful blow, but John was growing
tired as Coy was quicker and had more stamina. He stepped up onto a table as a
flaming beam fell between him and Coy.
“Give up Coy! I have the higher ground!” he shouted.
Coy looked at John and leapt at him. John swung the axe wildly, severing Coy’s arms
and legs. His torso fell to the ground, where the flames quickly consumed it.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” cried Coy, as he was burnt extra crispy.
From out of the shadows a sword was swung severing John’s weapon hand. “Good job,
my son” echoed through the air.
John looked around to see where it was coming from. Creidhne stepped out of the
flames. “It was me you wanted to kill. I took over his body and you killed him without
hesitation. Coy is dead. I am unharmed. The dark side is strong in you. You are quite
clad in it.” Creidhne smiled wickedly at his lame attempt at wordplay.
“Why did you do this? Why Coy and not me?”
“Because, John, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to
discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined
strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy. If you only
knew the power of the Dark Side….”
“I do know the power… I *AM* Clad in Darkness!”
“You do not know enough young Benter. You see, I am your father.”
“No. No. That’s not true. That’s impossible.”
“Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”
“Nooooo! Nooooo!” he screamed and in an attempt to be dramatic, John jumped down
from the table. He fell approximately three feet to the ground, and then immediately fell
through the floor down into the cellar, where flaming boards would follow him, sealing his
fate to be suffocated and burnt to death.