The night was mostly uneventful, until they came across a wandering minstrel who for
whatever reason decided the antique store would be a good place to play. They told the
minstrel of Steve and his Stevish ways and what happened to him. Hearing the tragedy
surrounding Steve’s existence brought a tear to his eye, and rewrote his song lyrics on the
spot to play homage to the poor departed Steve. The ghost of Steve happened to be
following John that night, and heard the songs being played. Steve did not like them so
he called the MacGuyver hotline to kill John again. They refused to help him since he
was on the no-service list, so he called back holding his ghostly nose to disguise his
ghostly voice and made up some crap about three terrorists being in the antique store
who looked like two men around age 20 with long hair and a troll. MacGuyver was on
the case right away. He constructed a trap to capture the three terrorists (note to
homeland security: no one in Clad in Darkness is really part of any terrorist
organization). To trap Clad in Darkness, the trap was built using a bird feeder, ceramic
bust of Beethoven, and a half eaten bag of Cheez-Its. As with before, the evilness of
helping Steve was greater than the good of trapping 3/5 of Clad in Darkness, so the trap
exploded and killed the MacGuyver, and all his trap really succeeded in doing is getting
Clad in Darkness fired from the store and not eligible for rehire for 12 months. The ghost
of Steve was disappointed they didn’t die, but was pleased he at least got them fired, and
watching the MacGuyver die was some sort of consolation.
The eve of the New Year had come, so the Cladlings (minus the drummer of course)
were back at the apartment they’ve been at a few times before. A good drunken time
was had by all. Everyone from the band was drunk (except for the troll). Even The
Falconer of Wanker County (the one who used to be Mr. Coy, not Cupcake Lady) was
drunk. Especially him, actually. He was by far the most loaded (partly due to Tyrone),
and ended up crashing at Fort Big Sexy, where he vomited all over John’s poor house.
Like father, like son. Fort Big Sexy is now known as The Scottberg Spittoon.
The troll spent most of the time pestering people from some other band he liked at the
party, mainly making fun of other bands he had seen and trying to sucker, I mean,
convince them they need to play a show with Clad in Darkness, which for whatever
reason they seemed to be cool with. It was also decided that the current band names
were stupid but not stupid enough, so all band members got even stupider names at the
party. On guitar there is Ascoydeus and Demitrius. On bass is Kryztopf, and on drums
is Desdemona VI. Vocals are now provided not by Tyrone, but Turd Ferguson. These
names are really dumb, and while these are now the new official names of the band
members, they will be called by their old names in this story to avoid confusion, and
because they are so retarded I refuse to type them ever again, or at least until I forgot
that I refused to type them ever again.
The time had finally come for a Clad in Darkness show. Well, actually it was just an
interview on Internet radio, but it’s the first time they’ve done anything outside of John’s
basement since August. So comparatively speaking, it’s a show. And any crappy band
can play a crappy venue; this is the first time Clad has been on any sort of radio. The
interview was… interesting. Creidhne was watching down, plotting to do something to
screw it up, but the band was acting so stupid during the interview he figured he didn’t
need to intervene. The band made big enough fools of themselves that Creidhne thought
that not even he could do worse to their image.
But at that show, there was a new new low point in the history of Clad in Darkness.
Someone called in to the radio show to talk about Coy’s sexiness. It was some creepy
old guy who sounded like the troll trying to sound like Jame Gumb from Silence of the
Lambs.
So… Clad did a radio show. And nothing tragic happened. No catastrophe was caused
by a pagan god trying to smite them, and no new feuds grew between Clad in Darkness
and other lesser local bands. Nothing climatic really happened. This seems like a hollow
ending. So… Clad in Darkness became the featured artist on Metal Works Radio. This
led to their songs being very heavily requested (the losers probably made all the requests
themselves) and became very popular and set up many shows in the future. Which will
anger people. And war will be waged. And for now there was much rejoicing, ignorant
of the incoming doom. This band really needs to play some show so these chapters stop
sucking.