This could not be. Andrew had escaped from all of this. Why was Varg his roommate at law
school? Granted, Southern Norwenois University was not the hardest of schools to get into,
but shouldn’t a murder conviction and an escape attempt from prison be enough to close the
law degree door on anyone? And how did he end up as the Skullsplitter’s roommate? This
will not stand. Andrew marched straight to the RA’s room to demand a change of
roommate. But things just will not work out for the pintsized drummer. When he got to the
RA’s room, he saw that someone he assumed would be Varg had gotten there first. The RA’s
chest was split open, and a series of hooks and wires suspended the body in mid air posed to
resemble a winged demon waiting to attack anyone who entered. Both eyes were removed
and placed in the open palms raised above the deceased’s head. It was actually a rather
morbidly beautiful site and maybe Varg should be attending the art college instead of law
school. Andrew admired the well developed and toned form of the RA, and the craftsmanship
of the apparatus that was holding it up. I mean, he was furious that no one was able to help
him find a new roommate and was afraid because he knew the coming time with Varg would
not be pleasant. He remained in the room for quite some time admiring the human sculpture,
and soon he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around, and saw Varg was behind him,
demanding to know what Andrew wanted from the RA.
***
Meanwhile, back at home, John and Tranny Surprise were having a nice dinner together. Or
so they thought. Tranny Surprise would talk and talk and talk, and John would feign interest.
But his mind was elsewhere. He was not listening to a word Tranny Surprise was saying. He
was feeling trouble a brewing. In his frost giant belly. Something he ate sometime was not
agreeing with him. John couldn’t take it anymore, he got up and ran to the potty where he
would unleash an unspeakable horror upon his toilet. While he was gone, The Falconer of
Wanker Country appeared from behind a curtain in the room with murderous intent. Why
couldn’t she kill Tranny Surprise? She leapt at Tranny Surprise with a needle full of
embalming fluid and injected it straight into her jugular and disappeared into the night before
John could return and see who slew his beloved. Foolish Falconer. You tried poisoning her
before and it didn’t work. That is how she became the horrible mutation that is Tranny
Surprise. This time would be no different. Well, maybe a little different, but the general same
idea. The embalming did affect her on a biochemical level, but not the way The Falconer was
hoping for. Tranny Surprise did take on corpse like characteristics but she did not die. The
high levels of acid and left over milky tears and the Baycol and preservatives from the highly
processed dinner reacted to the embalming fluid having her turn into a zombie like creature,
but think more like the Olympian athletic zombies from the Dawn of the Dead remake than the
slow lumbering braaaaaaaaaaaaiinnsss…. zombies most people think of. Tranny Surprise no
longer fit this creature as a name, and she will henceforth be known as Zombina Sans
Skeletons. John had returned from punishing his Ferguson brand toilet and took one look at
Zombina Sans Skeletons and knew The Falconer had been here.
***
Back at SNU Andrew was bound and gagged to a chair at his desk. Varg happened to be the
jealous type, and the thought of Andrew possibly talking to the RA about getting transferred
just upset him. The thought of Andrew being someone else’s boy toy was too much for him.
It upset him so much he didn’t even feel like punishing Andrew at the time. That would wait
when he was in a more calm state of mind. In the meantime he figured he would need to tell
something to those idiots who talk to him over the computer. He signed on Andrew’s account
and told them he is too busy reading for class all the time. Ha! Southern is a party school.
No one ever reads for class at that school. But now that no one is going to worry about
Andrew’s lack of communication, it’s time to “hit the books.”